I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize