I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
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