i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
