Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
