He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
