its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
