Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We had to coat check the pizza.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
