I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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