We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
