Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?