Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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