I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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