I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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