I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
