New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
