His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
