There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Who died my cat blue again?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
