just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
