We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
