Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
