genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
