I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
