so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
