My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
