He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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