so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
