I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
