4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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