He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
