I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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