She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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