It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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