Just cropdusted the office
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
