I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
