Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
