I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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