Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
