that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
