He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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