Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
