i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
