my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
