i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
