I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
