I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
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Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
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true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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