This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
