i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
