It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
