Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
