Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
