I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
