Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
