Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
