If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
