I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
