i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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