You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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