Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
